The Fat Kid Inside

ChocolateI know that the title of this post isn’t particularly flattering but in my experience it’s true and it became the center of my attention during my gym run this morning. Let me start at the beginning.

Four years ago…was it really that long ago now? I weighed 42lbs more than I do now and I was thoroughly miserable, insecure and thought that it would get better with every ounce of food that passed my lips, needless to say it didn’t. At the time I prayed to God to make me thin, as though I expected an over night miracle. When that didn’t happen I started to try the other easy way out, all of those over the counter diet pills and lotions. As it happens I have a heart murmer so those diet pills not only didn’t work but they made my heart skip and my head pound and I knew that I was going no where fast.

I’m not sure at what point that it finally dawned on me but there must have been a moment where I realized that if I wanted this, I mean REALLY wanted this, then I was actually going to have to work for it – TOTALLY unfair right? I mean it wasn’t as though I put any work in to cramming all that food down my gullet…

The moment hit me when I saw a picture of myself and literally broke down in to tears, “why can’t I be thin?” I sobbed as I stared at the fat girl looking back at me from the glossy computer screen. I was completely mortified at the very idea that other people had actually seen me looking like that.

Little by little I started the change, soda was the first to go, I could barely believe the amount of soda I’d been pouring in to my body, 140 sweet calories at a time. Cutting out soda didn’t make that much of a difference with my triple lasagna sampler platter at Ragazzi’s preceded by an order of cheese ravioli and followed with half a dessert…after all I didn’t want to appear to be a pig now did I? It was at this point that I discovered the Weight Watchers point system. I had always laughed at the Weight Watcher touters but after my first month of counting my “points” and actually getting myself in to the gym (GASP) I couldn’t believe that I’d begun to get smaller…had it really been that easy all along?

I will say that when I started at my local Golds Gym I was mortified, convinced that EVERYONE was staring at me and wondering what the little fat kid was doing and how dare she be in their glistening presence? Fortunately for me my Golds Gym had a lady’s only room and while the feminists rolled their eyes at the very thought of it I had to praise God for it’s existence every time I crept in to that tiny corner room and worked away at dropping those pounds a quarter pound at a time.

I never thought I’d be able to do it but now two years later I have managed to keep off all 42lbs for exactly 24 months. I built calorie watching (I refuse the word counting because there is a difference between weighing every morsel of food and keeping an eye on what you put in to your mouth) in to my daily routine and the gym is my three times a week me time. The two days a week (you’ll find me sleeping in on weekends) I don’t go to my gym I spend an hour of my morning doing yoga and Pilate’s and while I may not always have a smile on my face while I do it I certainly feel like something is missing if I don’t.

As I made my morning gym run this morning and strolled from the locker room to the darkened cardio cinema I watched every single person as they went about their routine and do you know what I saw? Every single one of those women, fat, thin, tall, short, underweight, morbidly obese…each and every one of them had that insecure fat kid inside as they kept their head down and their arms in and maybe once or twice risked a glance around the room.

Be Sociable, Share!

Subscribe to Mevolving via e-mail to get my daily posts in your inbox!

Be Sociable, Share!

4 Responses to “The Fat Kid Inside”

  1. 1
    Queen Bee says:

    Coming from your also formerly chunky monkey friend, I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since you’ve “gotten skinny”. I use that phrase because in my mind, I saw you chunky, like me, and then I saw you again and you were skinny, not like me. =) But you totally gave me (visual) motivation for my weight loss, and then gave me so much support and positive encouragement along my journey! I’m 45lbs down, 25 to go but I’ll get there, same as you have! Congrats on making it. Shows your tenacity and determination to meet your goals.

  2. 2

    I have just realized the damage of all those sodas! It suddenly hit me. I need to shed some pounds. We are going through a lot now, and we have been out of our house 2 and a half years after frauds/contractors robbed us of our savings and destroyed our home after it was hit by a tornado! Every minute we have, we have been rebuilding-out of pocket. It has been stressful. Stress leads to me, sitting in front of the computer, packing my mouth with any and everything while washing it down with coke. I am addicted to coke. Or I was. I stopped cold turkey two weeks ago. Now I never want to go back! You are an inspiration and I hope to do as well as you!

    • Amy says:

      It’s amazing to me that you have the strength to get through something like that Julie because I would be in ruins. If you can bounce back from being taken advantage of like that then losing a few pounds will be a piece of…well, cake 😀 Just remember to start small and tackle one thing at a time and it turns out not to be that much of a struggle after a few baby steps!

  3. 3
    yefi says:

    man chocolates so just so tempting. there’s a fat kid in all of us sadly and icecream worsens the situation!

CommentLuv badge