Mevolving

Mental Health Morning

Amy — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:35:31 +0000

Work has been kicking my tail these past few weeks. In an attempt to both stash away a little money for whatever the next few months bring, and to take my mind off the graduate school acceptance process I have been taking each and every job offered to me. In the midst of all of this working I have neglected to listen to my brain which has quietly been screaming at me to slow down.

Yesterday afternoon I hit the wall and crawling in to bed at around 3pm I napped for an hour - something I hate to do. I felt no more refreshed when I awoke, in fact I seemed to work even slower as the night progressed and finally as 1am rolled around I hopped back in bed feeling almost sick. Buzz came to say goodnight asking if I was okay. I told him I would be fine, I was just feeling exhausted mentally and physically. I had been pushing my limits non-stop for a few weeks and my body and brain had finally joined forces and made me stop. Buzz suggested that I sleep in this morning, I told him I couldn’t and listed a plethora of reasons why I couldn’t. Looking defeated he went back to his office.

This morning I awoke at 6:30am, and again at 7:30, 8:30 and 9:30. I didn’t get out of bed until 11:40am. I hate to say it but the man was right. I feel as though someone plugged my brain in to charge last night. I am bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to work on my daily tasks as well as begin planning my alternate path for graduate school just in case my two remaining schools should not accept me this year. I am remaining hopeful that the University of Nevada, Reno holds a place for me. UNR is very much like my undergraduate institution, small classes, student centered and laid back. I think it’s my kind of place and would be honored to become part of their student body but for now we get back to waiting.

Status Update #4

Amy — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:52:29 +0000

On 1am on Saturday morning I received the e-mail from the University of Virginia. I am not quite sure why it rolled in at 1am but I was still awake working on my part time job obligations. I have yet to show any real emotion when it comes to being declined by my graduate schools but this one pushed the limits for me and after a brief battle with the wobbling lip I burst in to tears. Of all of my applications I was most hoping to get in to the University of Virginia. It’s closer to home, they have a great program with local resources and the staff I would have worked with are simply amazing (that is not to put down staff at any of the other colleges I applied to.) But I knew I was reaching since I came in under most of their requirements for graduate school entry. I keep being told that this is a tough year, that so many more people are applying to schools this year and funding is lower than usual but these things don’t help ME feel better. After so many rejection letters one is allowed a little indulgence in self pity as long as it is merely fleeting and it is followed up by a gameplan. My gameplan is to await the results from Chicago and Reno and then research masters programs which are significantly easier to get in to - did you know that many masters programs will fund you fully as well?

In order to keep better track I will post all six schools in each of my status updates:

1. University of California, Riverside - Declined
2. University of Nevada, Reno -
3. University of Arizona - Declined
4. University of Illinois, Chicago -
5. University of Virginia - Declined
6. Boston College - Declined

Monday Mingle - March 8, 2010

Amy — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:33:33 +0000

It’s Monday again which means only one thing! It’s time for Monday Mingle! If you want to get in on the mingling fun drop by Jen’s blog over at EightyMPHMom.com !

This week’s questions were:

1. Do your kids have chores? Do you pay them to do chores?

2. Were you in Girl Scouts/Brownies or Boy Scouts? Are your kids? Favorite Girl Scout Cookie?

3. Does your family go camping? If so, do you have a funny/interesting experience?

Ain’t Your Life Grand?

Amy — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 12:31:53 +0000

I’m rather reserved in person. Sure I’m a happy go lucky girl in general and will flash anyone a smile but I try not to gripe and I don’t make a fuss because Lord knows I’m not about to embarrass myself by making a scene BUT…

A few days ago Buzz was talking to someone who said, in regards to Buzz’s work schedule of working two days and sleeping once every 48 hours that it was “simple when you don’t have kids.” When Buzz told me that this was said I wasn’t just angry I was absolutely pissed off. Firstly sleeping once every 48 hours isn’t simple it’s downright insane and I’ve pleaded with Buzz to quit this schedule for goodness knows how long. Secondly I’m just plain tired of people with kids telling me how simple my life is because I don’t have kids. I understand where they are coming from really I do but I think that it is simply a rude and completely assuming thing to say.

My issue with people who tell me that my life is easy because I don’t have kids has many points:

Firstly I am not the one who told these people to have children, it was obviously a choice on their part and don’t get me wrong I love kids but why is it suddenly my fault that they have them and I don’t?

Secondly what a very hurtful thing to say when you have absolutely no idea how someone elses childbearing status stands. What if I were unable to have children or had been trying to conceive for years to no avail? Does that make my life easier because I “don’t have kids?”

Thirdly and most of all, who is to say what a simple life is? For example this individual who uttered these words is rather well off and still finds opportunity to complain about their life. Me? Well I scrape by and I try not to complain, heck I’m happy enough if I have money to eat Subway once a week but my life is by no means simple. While managing my own company I also happen to be managing the graduate school application process. In addition to this I am volunteering to code data for a graduate student to gain experience for graduate school. I also happen to be working one steady part time job (which I feel fortunate enough to be able to do at home) and moonlighting on another part time job for someone else because simply put, I need the money. These jobs suck every ounce of energy from my body and yet I still find the time to balance finances, grocery shop (with coupons) and keep our house in some kind of order. Do I complain? Sure, once in a while I complain that I’m overworked, underpaid or worn out but who doesn’t? Do I feel fortunate to be able to work from my home? You bet your ass I do. Do I think that my life is simple? Well I’ll leave that one for you to answer.