Stumbling Block #1 – Being Discouraged

discouragedI want this PhD program so badly that I can taste it, that I’m prepared to give up the life I have now – being self employed, setting my own hours – to go back to school for 5 years at a late 28. I can’t begin to put in to words how much this pursuit actually means to me. Throughout the entire course of getting materials ready to submit with applications I have been giddy with excitement, I just can’t wait to be in the running for my dream career after completing a vigorous but thoroughly entertaining (to me anyway) career in grad school. Today, however, I hit my first real day of feeling discouraged.

As I sat down this afternoon to work on additional paperwork that needs filling out and printing, I started to get together all the required numbers: GRE scores (check!), Graduation dates (check!), GPA’s….well….yes, herein lies the problem. My undergraduate career was plagued struggling fitting in culturally and socially, bad choices made in regards to study habits and time management…all culminating in the numbers that have me close to tears today.

I know that my 4.0 from my two advanced classes taken this summer at a highly respected institution count for something but I know that they can’t possibly overshadow my 3.04 undergraduate GPA. It’s not that a 3.04 is all that poor but the fact that my major GPA stands at 2.95 and my last 2 years GPA stands at 2.97. I am disgraced that I did not aim higher, that I didn’t force myself to hit the books knowing how important that these things would be in the future. At the time my head was swirling with the death of my grandfather (Charlie), a poor choice of boyfriend (a couple of those actually), and the struggle for independence but none of these come in to play now as I try to explain these numbers to schools which I am asking to fund my 5 year education.

I could sit here and let it get me down, let it make me feel like a fool and a complete underachiever but I won’t. My grandfather’s optimism lives on in this girl and so I will find a tune or two to lift my spirits and keep on trucking – after all there is so much more to me than that 3.04, however it is comprised, and I am determined to show that.

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4 Responses to “Stumbling Block #1 – Being Discouraged”

  1. 1
    DG says:

    Ahh! I feel the same way. I did well as an undergrad but not harvard law school material and it bugs me because sometimes there are’re growing and evolving and numbers don’t really reflect what you’ve learned because I know that I learned a whole lot. good luck with the applications though you’ll be fine 🙂

  2. 2
    Queen Bee says:

    You were young and didn’t think of the future, or weren’t able to given your circumstances.

    You are older now, wiser. Your recent courses reflect your desire. Your work at getting this grad school application process completed shows your desire. Ever think they make these hurdles so high to see who really wants it badly enough to jump them all?

    Don’t give up. You are smart. You are courageous. You are dedicated. You can do this!
    .-= Queen Bee´s last blog ..Threadless Tshirt Giveaway at =-.

  3. 3
    yefi says:

    you shouldn’t feel discouraged really! it sounds like you have great scores a respectable gpa and most importantly the thirst for knowledge so that will come out in your statements of purpose. best of luck!

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