A Deep Tissue Massage

MusclesYesterday I visited my chiropractor and along with the usual adjustment I got my first ever deep tissue massage. Now some people will tell you that they have had a “deep tissue massage” before and tell you that it’s a pleasant experience and…I have to tell you quite honestly that these people are full of it and are probably getting confused with some other type of deep pressure massage because this…this should be a form of torture. Most of my pain emanates from the left side of my back from my neck to my mid back because those muscles are forever tight…not just tight, we’re talking bands of steel (and not in the good buns of steel way, more like the incredibly highly strung and agitated way.) So when I was getting my adjustment yesterday I was particularly sore and tense on that side so Dr. Chiro tells me I’ll be getting my first deep tissue massage. I should have known something was up when my body tensed at the words but hey, if it’s going to make me feel better than I’ll give it a shot. I lay on that table with my face through the table face hole…is there a word for this feature? For the first two seconds I felt my massage therapists hands on my neck and for just one millisecond thought it might not be that bad…but then she told me to tell her if the pain or pressure becomes unbearable. Generally, this should be taken as a bad sign. My massage began. I started by gritting my teeth, attempting to breath in to the pressure and let go of the tension in my muscles. At some point I became obviously aware of the fact that my therapist was attempting to tear off my face. I was sure she’d be finished with that process relatively quickly so I let her continue in the name of getting better. The face tearing did, in fact, last a good five minutes and just when I was sure there was nothing that could hurt more she moved on to my back. Now this, this is when I am convinced that my soul got up, kicked me in the ass and walked out. My arms and fingers began to tingle and the breath in my lungs vanished. I imagined for a moment that this must be like the pain of childbirth but then, as she found another strand of muscle to unknot I became certain that this was not the case because if it were no woman would ever give birth again.

When the torture stopped I felt drunk…and also as though I had been run over by a Mack truck. My muscles felt bruised and I was certain that this morning I would wake up to a purple and black bruise across my entire back. As it turns out this morning I awoke to muscle ache and just a little stiffness but there is something shifting, something inside moving in the direction of good because I can actually breathe deeper.

So if anyone ever asks you if you want a deep tissue massage “just for fun” save yourself the time and tell them to kick you between the legs instead. Now if you’re hurting for a reason and desperately want to be fixed? That’s a different story and deep tissue massage is completely worth the agony.

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One Response to “A Deep Tissue Massage”

  1. 1

    LMAO at tearing your face off. Wow – it kind of sounds good, but kind of not. My husband and I had massages once at a spa place, and like you – it hurt! Every muscle hurt for about 4 days afterward. I am half tempted to do this again though, as I hurt quite a bit these days.

    I look forward to your next update. I was sitting here grinning and grimacing all at the same time…you do have a way with words!
    .-= Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom´s last blog ..More winners at Eighty MPH Mom =-.

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