Drawing To A Close


WinterIt’s so hard to believe that I have been down here since May 14th, it seems like such a long time when you count it in days but when I look at how long I’ve been here in terms of it being almost time to go back home…well it really doesn’t feel that long at all. I don’t know that I’m ready to go back because when I go back in to my life (as opposed to a life I share with my nuclear family) I am a different me. I am a me who is supposed to be strong, independent and okay with being alone. I am not sure that I’m okay with who the grown up me is supposed to be, I don’t fit that mold. I don’t mind learning to be independent, I just don’t want to be the head of the household, the family financier as it were. I suppose we don’t always get what we want though do we? I’m worried about how well I will slide back in to life, whether I will let this blue cloud that has been hovering for quite some time turn in to a thunderous black rain cloud instead. While I swore myself to an optimistic lifestyle occasionally (as some of you may have noticed recently) my genetic predisposition to depression does sometimes get the better of me. Usually this cloud moves in when I realize that I am standing still, I need to be somewhere and doing something with my life and yet I have no idea where it is or what I’m supposed to be doing and I’ll be damned if there’s a map anywhere in sight.

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