Mourning Moments

blueI once read somewhere that you should allow yourself time to mourn those things which make you blue. I once read that instead of letting these things eat you alive every day of the week that you should set aside a moment to allow yourself to mourn instead of letting those moments become days, and those days become weeks, and soon enough you are all consumed. My moments usually occur on Sunday, keeping a schedule like I do that is packed until the very moment I go to sleep at night it is easy enough to keep going and keep my momentum through the week, but Sundays…Sundays are slow days.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a very optimistic person, a happy go lucky girl who goes out of her way to engage any one and everyone in hopes that I can touch their life in some way or another…but just like everyone else I have my moments. That’s the thing about moments though, everyone has them…yes, even those braggards on social networking sites whose husbands are great, whose jobs are fulfilling, whose bank balances are excessive, whose houses are huge and whose vacations are never ending…yes, even they have their moments. No matter how amazingly blessed we all may feel there are still those times when we mourn the loss of what we once aspired to, what we physically lost, or what we simply decided was unattainable.

As a child I aspired to be a mother, that is all I hoped for, a simple life with a picket fence, a large family and dogs galore. I now live in a middle townhouse unit with a torn up front yard, no flooring in the downstairs bathroom, one dog and a boyfriend of eight and a half years…not quite the happily married mother of many in a perfect home with a bank account that mysteriously regenerates right? I know that these things will “happen” for me one day but despite my decision to return to school(therefore delaying the possibility of these things another five years) and create a more independant and successful self there are still those moments when I mourn what I “missed out on.”  School is the best choice for me,  I desire knowledge and in addition to that, I want to be an independant woman who loves her job but still has her off days. Yes, I know that the path I have chosen is the right one for me for this time in my life…but it doesn’t stop those moments from creeping in once in a while where I ask myself “what the hell do you think you are you doing?”

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One Response to “Mourning Moments”

  1. 1
    Queen Bee says:

    I’ve decided these “Dreams” we all have were bogus from the get go. Those picket fences hide medicated women, bored with life, wishing for more. Those regenerating bank accounts are nothing more than lines of credit, constantly being drawn upon, creating havoc within the bonds of that ‘perfect marriage’. The weekend getaways? Another point of contention and stress, as the money just really isn’t there, or may dry up at any given time.

    The American dream is this: do what you want, be who you want. Understand that life is costly, and you must fund that cost. But you are free to do it in any way that makes you happy. We only lock ourselves into unhappyness.

    (I am learning. Day by day…)

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