Peter Pan Syndrome AKA Summer Camp Comes To A Close

Peter Pan By Walt DisneyI have Peter Pan syndrome. At the end of this week my proverbial parent will come to pick me up and take me home as my summer camp in Florida draws to an end and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go back to a life where I do the finances. I don’t want to go to a life where I can’t spend my days out with my mom having fun and instead I’m locked up in my office upstairs working in a never ending circle. I don’t want to grow back up. Buzz of course isn’t my parent, he’s my other half for better or worse and lately we’ve been dealing with some of the worse. I think we both want to try to work things out, hell we’ve been together for going on ten years but the longer things drag out the longer we are left wondering why we’re still trying. There’s an allegiance, ten years under our belt we owe it to each other to try to make things work because we do love each other but it feels different now. It may not be the same love it was ten years ago but the sense of loss were we to walk away now would be unbearable. I have found myself wondering lately, how you know when it’s time to hold ’em and when it’s time to fold ’em because we’re both drawing in on folding and I know that there’s a place in both of us that sincerely hopes that isn’t the answer we’ve been looking for.

The aim in this life is to be happy. While taking month long vacations to be “taken care of” by my parents makes me happy it also makes me realize that I need to grow up, I need to figure my life out which in turn means I need to figure out the relationship troubles Buzz and I have been circling lately. He’s arriving here some time on Friday this week and I am sad to see my alone days with my mom go as well as fearing what will come next for the both of us. This is it. Both Buzz and I agree that we won’t make it much longer if we don’t change our circumstances and ourselves and so the pressure is on not only to fix us but also to find ourselves and our happiness. Should it really be this hard?

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