So Where is Here?

treasure mapI am certain that by now you have heard me ramble on so much about planning for my future, finding myself, figuring things out and so on and so forth that you’re just about sick of it…well tough. I come here to try and figure things out, to write down things my heart feels and my mouth can’t say for one reason or another. I come here to work things out on paper and, if you’re my friend, then you’re here to read them over and a) let me know what you think or b) be supportive without letting me know what you think. So it’s been almost a month since I left ‘home’ to come to Florida. It’s been almost a month since I started trying to work things out and while things haven’t miraculously resolved themselves I have come to realize a few things and I feel it’s only fair that I share those things with those of you who have listened to all the rambling that came before.

1. I am not happy with myself for sitting back for ten years and not being independent.
2. I need to be a wife and mother to be happy in my life and this means a sit down heart to heart with Buzz to see whether this features on his time line anymore because if it doesn’t we both have a very difficult and heart wrenching decision before us.
3. I want to work with children. I began working with children as a teen and I began my college career with the intention of being a kindergarten teacher. While I still don’t think working in a classroom would bring me pleasure I am entertaining careers that will allow me to work with children.
4. I am not happy where things stand (duh), I don’t like running a business and I don’t like being isolated from other people all day. I do like being able to spend time with my family when I choose to but I cannot afford to be a lady of leisure and do nothing but spend time with family.
5. I want to and need to become independent particularly if Buzz and I don’t see eye to eye on #2.
6. I am not a financial adviser, I need to find someone who is finance savvy who can take over this section of our lives because after somehow being roped in to the role of finance officer of the family I am left depressed and constantly worrying about finances. That being said the bills get paid on time and I will always want to be knowledgeable of what is in the accounts and what the financial outlook is but I cannot handle the pressure of being financial officer of two individuals and one business.
7. I think I would be happy working in a pediatrics field whether that involves being a nurse (who doesn’t like blood and guts), being a physical therapist assistant or being a child life specialist. Obviously all of these will involve going to school which can be done either from Florida or from North Carolina. There is also the opportunity to be a special education teacher which would involve part time classroom teaching or tutoring.
8. I long for my family and need to save up for a trip home to England.

So that is my list for now, my incomplete rough draft of what has been happening inside my head over the last month. Nothing certain just rough plans.

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