The Art of Living as Two

colorful socksI moved in with Buzz when I was 20 years old and a fresh college graduate. I hadn’t wanted to move in with my parents again because I wanted the “good life.” After dating Buzz for 9 months I thought I was ready to move in with him. As a poor college kid I didn’t have the cash to get my own place but in hindsight that was a mistake. Now, at 29 years old I feel like I missed out on a right of passage. Only during my last 6 months in school did I live alone. I feel like I missed out on crazy days and moved right from being a dependent college student to being a “wife”. The fact that I am still unmarried after 9 years also has a lot to do with this I suspect. Why should he “buy the cow when he gets the milk for free” right? No, if I had the chance to do it again I would move out on my own, find a job and start my own life. My own life that didn’t revolve around someone else’s needs. I would be selfish for a while, I would discover myself, the strength I had to be independent, the ability to make my own choices, boost that self confidence of mine. For now, however, I am living as one of a pair.

There is something about living as one of a pair. No one ever teaches you in school that being one of a pair is hard work. Of course it’s nice to have someone to lie next to at the end of the day or someone to hold you when you’re hurting but it’s also a lot of work. Living life as a pair means that your needs rarely come first, your life is spent worrying about the other person or catering to their wants. After a while when you have a headache the other person often has an ache that is worse and you are forced to abandon hope of a brief moment of selfishness. It’s just the way things go. Sympathy wanes, compromises are made and you begin to let your dreams go in order that the other part of your pair can reach for their goal instead. No one ever teaches you how to compromise that aspect of life. No one tells you that there are things you should and things you shouldn’t give up. No one tells you that if you like sandwiches and chicken and he likes burgers and beer, that it’s going to be a complete pain in the ass to make dinner…but I think they should. I think they should teach you how to live as a dyad, how to coupon for groceries and how to make a life for yourself without working your fingers to the bone and having nothing to show for it. I think if they did there would be a lot more happy relationships out there and a lot more people doing what it is that makes them happy.

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