A Time To Breathe

breatheThere are those days where you need to slow down and breathe and today is one of those days for me. Concentrating on my breathing is the only thing preventing me from bursting in to tears at every single minute. Brother B and Brother J hit the road not too long ago, it will take them between 16 to 18 hours to drive home. We are taking Nana to the airport at around 3pm this afternoon and then she too will be gone. It will just be me, Mum and Dad here after that until Buzz heads down here in a couple of weeks.

It is a well known fact that I hate change and as I was just getting settled, just reconnecting with my family, just getting comfortable…well here comes change again. Change is inevitable and I adapt to it well but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it’s arrival. And I don’t. I contemplated going back with my Nana but since one of my jobs isn’t paying on time and I don’t have a sugar daddy – or extremely rich parents – I can’t swing it.

I wish I could move back home for a while. Be close to my extended family, my cousins who are my age, and live a life that was designated for me a very long time ago. I wonder what I would be doing had I never left England. I asked my Nana the same and the first thing she replied was “well you’d definitely be married there’s no doubt about that!” It made me laugh but she was right. My life would be different. I just don’t know if it would be better or worse…or if I’d even care…or if I’d give it a second thought because I might just be happy being where I was.

Anyway, here I am, taking yet another breath in and hoping to hold back the tears for just another hour or two…go ahead sing the song that’s just begun rattling around your head, I’ll wait.

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