The Heartbreak That Is Family


familyI am furious…heartbroken…no furious…or perhaps both. The thing is that I have absolutely no right to be either, but I am. Both of my little brothers used this week to inform us that brother B is moving to Japan after he graduates next year. Brother J announced that he plans to move to New Zealand following his graduation (although this event in and of itself is speculation at this point). When asked when or if they will be returning they both replied with ‘no’ that they want to stay in these respective countries forever. This may sound like adventure and the spreading of wings but to me it sounds like abandonment of family and selfishness.

I have an older sister, I don’t speak much of her because I haven’t seen her in seven years. Why haven’t I seen her in seven years? I haven’t seen her in seven years because she left straight out of college to live in Japan. After spending a year in Japan she moved to Prague and never looked back. She has not visited us since. I fully expect that the boys will go the same way.

I don’t know if it’s something that comes with age – to respect and love family, or whether it’s something that some people have and others don’t but it aggravates me. It aggravates me that it seems like I’m the only one who cares enough about our mum having MS and our parents approaching retirement age to even acknowledge that they deserve to have their children around.  It would even be something to have them agree to visit often but they claim that they are going to stay where the world takes them. Buzz tells me that we will see how things go. That over time as they grow up they will realize that family matters. Over time they will realize that life alone in a foreign country is difficult at best and leaves you with no family to turn to when those events (many of which have occurred over the past year) happen…and they always happen. I don’t hope for these things to happen to them but I do hope that they realize that family is important enough to cherish before it is too late.

So while I consider moving to England to be closer to my family – a step my parents would consider following, my baby brothers consider following the footsteps of my estranged sister. The idea of becoming an only child by circumstance does not appeal to me, in fact it breaks my heart. I love my siblings but with each day that passes I am left to wonder if they really do actually love me and that is what breaks my heart the most.

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One Response to “The Heartbreak That Is Family”

  1. 1
    Becca says:

    I think there is one “child” in every family who feels the burden of the whole family is on their shoulders. It’s generally the oldest child, but definitely not always the case. My little sister is only 20 and already travels way more than I ever will. I would not be surprised if she decided to go live in Israel as an adult…a place our dad refuses to even think about visiting.

    I feel like if your siblings don’t want to be wherever “here” is for you guys, it’s better if they go. I know it’s always been true for my sister.
    .-= Becca´s last blog ..Oh No- =-.


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